–By Mark Liu, LMFT
Most of the people who seek couples counseling share something in common- they were puzzled by the co-existence of love and closeness as well as hate and distance toward their significant other. They remember that they were initially attracted to each other before, but not anymore due to a “lack of communication“, “not feeling love”, “differences”, “affair”, or “abuse”. After the wedding, the conflicts (verbal and/or non-verbal) became frequent. Their dreams became twisted, if not shattered. They wondered what had happened to their relationship and whether “loving again” is possible. This situation is particularly true when the relationship involves abuse and/or an affair.
Another thing that they share in common is that they may have never experienced fulfillment in their relationship, but can only describe what the lack of fulfillment feels like and how it has impacted their life and well-being.
As a marriage and family counselor, my function is not to save your relationship or to fix your significant other for you as many couples believe when they first enter counseling. It is a decision for the couple to make together. My counseling work, after assisting couples in handling urgent situations, aims at helping couples understand and clarify the meanings behind their communication, relationship roles, unmet needs, expectations, and learning culturally appropriate coping skills. My specific counseling functions are:
- To help you to understand and sort out your issues from Big-Picture perspectives.
- To help you to make sense (not necessarily equivalent to “agreement”) of what you and your partner say, feel, and behave.
- To assist you to understand and to experience the difference between the “worldly love” and “true intimacy”
- To introduce useful tools that you can use in and outside of the session room for coping and nurturing purposes in your relationship.
The focus of my counseling is on the attitude first, skills second. I do not keep secrets, which consumes precious energy and often hinders communication. I also do not take sides. I believe that the effectiveness of counseling is based on mutual efforts, including the counselor’s efforts to gain the client’s trust, as well as the client’s willingness to be truthful and to work hard. This includes taking notes in the sessions and working on frequent assignments outside of the sessions. I look forward to working with you, if you are ready to make that commitment.
Author : Mark Liu M.A., LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
State Approved Supervisor