–By Mark Liu, LMFT
The number of interracial marriages has steadily continued to increase. About 15% of all new marriages in the United States in 2010 were between spouses of a different race or ethnicity from one another, more than double the share of 6.7% in 1980. This is a significant change considering that interracial marriage in the U.S. became legal in all states only since 1967. The Supreme Court decision finally deemed anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional, with many states having already legalized interracial marriage much earlier. The level of understanding and social support does not seem to adequately catch up with the fast growth in the trend of interracial marriage.
The differences that each spouse bring into a marriage relationship, such as values, beliefs, and concepts as a result of age, gender, temperament, religion, social-economic class, education, and family, represent difficulties and challenges that the two individuals will encounter before they can experience glimpses of true intimacy in their union. The cultural and ethnic difference in the relationship adds an additional level of difficulty/challenge. This can be noticed in forms of discrimination, power struggle, and inadequate social/family support, issues in multi-generational relationship, parenting, and conflicts in different aspects of family life. This is particularly true when two people join into a relationship with polarized ethnic and cultural background, such as Asian and Caucasian.
An interracial couple clients of mine described their confusion this way, “We were attracted by our differences, which were fun, but we now are so distanced from each other because of those same differences.”
Counseling can help an interracial couple’s relationship because it is where clients can find a safe space to explore all the differences, issues, and even taboos from your own viewpoint and your spouse’s viewpoint. In addition to find a cultural competent counselor as a facilitator, the couple must be willing to challenges their own habits and perceptions, and work truthfully on themselves as an individual and as a partner in the relationship. I believe that the attitudes must first be challenged before learning the skills, instead of the other way around. Then, the “differences” that separate the two people may become sources of fun again.
Author : Mark Liu M.A., LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
State Approved Supervisor